While I did not get everything done this week that I had personally intended to do, it was ultimately still a week of slow, but steady progress towards my goals and for that I am thankful! Annie is progressing beautifully on our current physical conditioning path and I'm feeling really good about the goals I set for us.
January and February are notoriously difficult months for me mentally. After the buzz of the holidays passes and we move into the grey, cold, and frankly dull months, I experience my annual bout of seasonal depression. I want to say that it gets better each year, but it in itself does not get better, but rather I become more experienced at navigating it. I make sure to exercise daily (and not just barn chores, actual work outs and walking), meditate, practice yoga, and visit with friends who fill my cup. I give myself a lot of grace during these couple of months because I know from experience that this feeling will pass in time, just as it does every year.
I know so many of us struggle in the winter in our horsemanship because we feel some level of guilt around not doing "more". And I get it! If you and your horse are somewhere where it's downright frigid, maybe your footing just plain sucks, and/or you also feel a lack of motivation with the absence of sunlight, you are so far from alone. Social media also does not help in that it can easily cause us to compare ourselves with others and make us feel "less than."
We act as though humans in this climate did not also used to "hibernate" to our own extent during this time years ago. We conserved energy by spending more time holed up together huddled under blankets and around fires. We abandoned much of this over time with the introduction of various technologies and changes in lifestyle, but it's still in our instinctual beings to stay warm and conserve energy in the colder months if we are not evolutionarily adapted to it (like indigenous Siberian people). We can certainly learn to tolerate the cold and dark through behavioral adaptation, but it does not mean that we have to enjoy it!
This is all to say that if you are feeling unmotivated or guilty about not doing more, I'd love for you to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can right now. Your horse still loves you and likely does not mind taking a break either so long as their basic needs are being met. Give yourself the same grace I know you'd give your horse if they needed time to slow down. The warmth and sun will return again soon enough.
Annie gifted me with a beautiful reminder of this very sentiment today. Not only did my stomach not feel great from the get go this morning, but it's snowing (again) and the roads on the way to the barn were in crappy condition. I decided to make my way over there regardless because I was really missing my mare and was hoping to have our weekly energy/body work session. I took my time and got to the barn safely, but my stomach was still churning. I fed Annie and Phoebe their dinner and decided to clean out the run in to see if moving a little more outside would make me feel any better. The mares had left their hay feeder to hang out with me shortly after they had returned to it after dinner.
Annie barged past Phoebe (something she does not normally do) and joined me in the run in. She stood quietly next to me while Phoebe stood guard just outside the run in. I finished cleaning so I could breathe with them and watch the snow fall. Annie let out a few yawns and gently nudged me a few times when I started to think too much about the state of my stomach. We stood in silence for about 10 minutes until I finally surrendered to the fact that I just did not feel well enough to do anything else and left to head home. Even though my stomach still felt awful, I was absolutely overtaken by gratitude for Annie and the beautiful relationship that we have cultivated over our few years together. We would not have shared such a beautiful moment had I not listened to her and to my body.
Something else that came alive for me this week was a huge conversation around horses expressing frustration during training. You can read a more detailed description of my thoughts on the understanding of frustration in horse training here, but I want to touch on a deeper thread around "negative emotions" in horses and humans here in this safe space.
One of the thoughts this led me back to was the idea that it's always interesting to me to draw parallels between how society treats horses versus how they treat women. When this topic of frustration came up, I couldn't help but think - isn't it interesting that those of us in the ethical horsemanship community focus so heavily on making sure that our horses are "happy" all the time that any expression of a "negative" emotion is somehow an automatic failure on our part. Two ideas branched off from this.
Women are often conditioned to be people pleasers. We're taught to make sure everyone around us is happy and comfortable, often at the expense of our own happiness and comfort. We can also do this in our horsemanship. We focus so much on making sure our horses are comfortable, safe, and happy, that we may end up ignoring our own boundaries (physical and emotional) or neglecting our own needs which actually does our horses no favors. We can also believe that we did absolutely everything right to set our horses up for success and yet they still express confusion, frustration, disinterest, etc. because they are their own autonomous beings. It's honestly quite egotistical of us to believe that we can so perfectly control everything so that we can elicit the perfect emotion and response from our horses 100% of the time.
There has historically been so much pressure on women to not express emotions that are seen as "negative" (frustration, anger, depression, etc.) and yet that suppression does not allow us to be our full, authentic selves. There is also so much pressure on us and our horses in the ethical horsemanship community to only ever have "happy" horses. It's like saying I love you so much, but only when you express emotions that I deem to be positive or feel good. But that's not realistic of us. It's as if the only two options with horsemanship are to either shut the horse down so they don't express emotion, or to tip-toe around so lightly that we bend over backwards to avoid anything that might cause them to feel something "negative." Like I said in my response to the post that started this whole ball rolling, this is not to say that we should actively instigate our horses, but rather to learn to be in relationship to them as they access their whole selves. How can we so deeply honor the horse's right to say no to us but then shut off any emotion behind it? I want my horses to know that I love every part of them and will hold space for their full range of emotions. That they can express themselves across this naturally beautiful spectrum of communication without fear of punishment. I think Holly of Mindfully Wild said it best in her recent post following a discussion the two of us had around this. If we do not hold space for or allow our horses to express all of their emotions, we can't possibly be allowing them to be their fully authentic, autonomous selves that we say we're open to. This is not to say we are actively trying to elicit such emotions, but that we would do well not to judge them (or other humans) for having them.
I find this thread between the treatment of horses and the treatment of women pops up in so many instances in relation to horsemanship. I honestly believe it is part of the reason why women are so naturally attracted to horses. We know what it's like to be them in a sense, they truly see us for this. Yet because we have been conditioned by patriarchal systems designed to suppress our voices and our power, we often inadvertently project the very things that work against us onto our horses - even if we think we are empowering them.
Empowering Observations:
Your horse cannot be truly autonomous if you're not equally allowing them to express emotions we deem to be negative. All feedback can be good feedback! You may not know that something isn't working unless your horse let's you know through their behavior. You can set up what you believe to be the most air-tight shaping plan ever and your horse still might let you know that it isn't working for them. And that's not a bad thing! It's simply an invitation for you to look at the situation differently or to simply try again later. It is also not your job to decide what emotions you believe they "should" be feeling. The only emotions you can truly control are your own, and even then, we should seek to allow them to flow in and out of us like temporary guests who tell us why they are there before they move on.
Things I'm Loving This Week
I'm forever loving my RevitaVet Poll Cap! It is a hands-free, battery operated, automatically timed infrared light cap that helps relieve tension and improve circulation to the poll area. Annie has had bilateral TMJ tension that we address through various modalities (massage, k-taping, and neuromuscular equine dentistry to name a few) but this poll cap is awesome way to give her a daily, non-invasive treatment of that area while I groom her. The best part? You can get one (and all other RevitaVet products!) 15% off with code "Positive Pony" now!
My Happy Light! This is an absolute must for me during the winter. I have it on for about an hour each morning as I start work and I definitely notice that it makes a difference in my energy levels.
I am a huge fan of Nica Quinn's (of Nica Draws Nature) and she is coincidentally holding her online workshop called Unbridle Your Creative Spirit this coming Sunday, February 5th. I won't be able to attend due to prior engagements, but I have been part of this workshop in the past. I highly recommend checking it out if my above comparisons between women and horses resonated with you. This workshop touches on similar themes and is incredibly empowering.
Equestrian Reflection
Journal Prompt: I can allow myself to enjoy the journey by...
I can allow myself to enjoy the journey by relishing in the smallest victories - to stop at smell the roses, if you will. Each "bad" day serves just as much purpose as all of the good ones. While it may not be easy in the moment, I can continue to work on placing more emphasis on everything that does go well or right versus focusing on the few things that don't go well or seem to go wrong in the moment. We can not appreciate all of the good without experiencing what we perceive to be bad. Every mountain and every valley serve beautiful purpose. It's all just part of the journey.
Affirmation: It is safe for me to enjoy my life.
Equestrian Oracle
Theme for the Upcoming Week
You Are Powerful
You know that you are never a victim of your circumstances. They are just showing you areas where you can heal, deepen your trust and allow yourself to align with exactly what you want. Then you just sit back, follow any action you feel inspired to take, and trust that the universe is working out how to bring it all together.
This card is calling you to hone in on your vision. After all, that dream was planted inside of you for a reason. It's time to place your order with the universe, sit back, enjoy your life, and know that it is on its way.
*The Equestrian Reflection and Equestrian Oracle cards are courtesy of Felicity Davies and can be purchased directly from her here. Full transparency - I receive no financial gain from sharing these, I just love them and find them to be helpful on this journey!
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