Yea... so I put off writing this until the last minute but I'm determined to continue on in my crusade for consistency! This week with Annie feels eclipsed by the demands of my regular human job, but there was so much good stuff that happened, even if it didn't necessarily look like much.
I know that is part of the reason why I procrastinated in writing this blog post - because it feels like not much happened this week and it feels so boring to share that, but it's the truth. It's also completely unrealistic to have all of these amazing unicorn fairy dust magic moments every single day, week in and week out. So here I am, showing up to recap what (little) we did this week and share this week's rewarding lessons.
On Tuesday, I was already feeling a bit burnt out from work and knew it wouldn't be much better the rest of the week so I set the intention that we would simply just play. No goals, no expectations, just whatever came up between Annie and I. I was not disappointed!
I left the arena door open, I'm not even sure why, it just felt like that was what I was supposed to do that night and I let Annie loose so we could play at liberty, allowing her to engage in whatever capacity that would be. She was so effortlessly connected to me and wanted to bring up our energies so I obliged as we ran around the arena together without shaping her postures or asking for transitions, just a girl and her horse running around the arena like I used to do as a kid with my instructor's lesson horses.
It felt amazing to have her with me in that way. I didn't expect her to be my stress reliever or therapist, I just wanted to be and play with my best friend. This play-based interaction (as opposed to a more transactional interaction that can occur during training) allowed me to let go of everything else going on in my life that was stressing me outside of the barn without putting an emotional burden on her. It was just such a beautiful reminder of how powerful it is to embody your inner child and play with your horse.
I had some other quietly wonderful time with Annie this week, but the intention infused into all of those interactions was to simply appreciate my time with her amidst all else. This intention mentally kept me on track in remembering that our time with our horses is truly a gift, one that many people will never have or even understand. They offer us so much wisdom without ever saying a thing, let alone speaking our language, and they ask for so little in return. Their generosity will never cease to amaze me.
I'm endlessly grateful that Annie has taught me so much, and changed me in so many ways that I cannot even begin to count or describe. She has opened me up to many things that I would have laughed at just a few short years ago. She is the reason why I am relentless in expanding in the directions I feel called to. Most recently, I've been feeling called to dig deeper in to energy work - and today I committed to taking one huge next step in pursuing that.
When I rebranded The Positive Pony a few months ago, I set three main pillars of my identity - Science, Soul, and Self. I have a pretty firm grasp on the science piece and can articulate it well. I feel like I have a strong idea of the self piece and am constantly working to build that through everything I do. But where I was feeling some stagnation was in the soul realm. This new opportunity felt like it was just the thing to stir that up.
A new intuitive equestrian course popped up at the beginning of the year and I didn't feel certain I was ready for it then so I hesitated to commit. I ended up missing out on it the first time around. I was super bummed but knew whatever was meant to be would be. I have found myself thinking about that course over and over again randomly since then. I was kicking myself for not just going for it, but I knew that I harbored some fear around jumping into something that is so outside of my comfort zone even though I know I am being called to pursue it.
I realized that a lot of this fear is a fear of failing at something so obtuse. It's easy to take a course where you know exactly what the end result should or will look like. It's very different to take one that asks you to believe in yourself, move forward with an open mind, and take a huge gamble on an intangible outcome. But, after talking it over with my husband, my best friend, and the mentor teaching the course, I couldn't deny that this is most definitely my next step.
So. Starting in May, I'll be participating in Felicity Davies' three week Intuitive Equestrian program that leads into her new ten week Soul Led Equestrian course. We laughed that before she revealed the name for the Soul Led Equestrian course, I mentioned that this was the thing that I feel will expand the soul pillar of who I am. There are simply no coincidences.
The uncertainty of the outcome in pursuing this opportunity would have been a hard pass for a younger version of me. I couldn't be brought to gamble on something like that, or more bluntly, on me. But this version of me? She's ready. She hears her fear that tries to tell her that she won't be able to do it, but she also recognizes that her fear is trying to keep her safe. However, I'm at a place in my life where I know that I am not here to keep playing it safe. I'm here to step into the woman that I am meant to become in my time here.
Empowering Observations:
Don't underestimate the power of play. I know this one can be tough for a lot of adults because I know it can be hard for me! We spend so much time being serious and productive that it's easy to forget that our horses don't give a flying fluff about deadlines, ribbons, bills, or whatever else you're stressing out about outside of the barn. Many of us joke that our horses are our therapists. But what if we didn't put that burden on them and instead chose to see them as playmates? When you go to a therapist, there is an embedded expectation that you will get some sort of healing from them, a shred of relief from whatever you're dealing with or tools to cope with it. However, the therapist signed up to be there, your horse did not. So rather than treating them like a toy who should make you happy when you need a big dose of joy and maybe even a dash of self-validation, I challenge you to shift your thinking to seeing your horse as a childhood playmate. Give them the opportunity to bring you the joy you're looking for not by spilling all of your problems and emotional baggage onto them, but to escape it for a few brief moments by getting lost in the flow of unbridled play.
If you're worried or scared about an opportunity but find you can't stop thinking about it, you should probably pursue it. I can tell you that it is insanely easy to talk yourself out of doing things that seem like a gamble for you if you're not a major risk-taker. What I have found is that when you're presented with an opportunity that excites and scares you, one that you can't stop thinking about, then you need to go for it. You may not end up with the result you expected, but I guarantee you will learn or grow in exactly the way you're supposed to.
Things I'm Loving This Week
Does daylight savings count?! But seriously, DST is the horse person's most cherished holiday and I'm so glad to know that my favorite season, summer, is right around the corner! The increased daylight makes a huge impact on my motivation and mood, too.
I don't know about you, but it's shedding season here which means I'm extra in love with my Betty's Best StripHair Gentle Groomer! This thing (while seemingly pricey) is an absolute staple in my grooming tote. I bought one a few years ago after seeing a billion reviews about them and I cannot tell you how many times I wished I had bought it sooner. It's got such a great feel to it, works wonderfully for removing loose hair, mud, and dirt, and it really is super gentle. If you don't have one - I'm telling you that you need one!
Equestrian Reflection
Journal Prompt: Write a letter to your horse and tell them everything you want them to know.
I wrote a (much) longer personal letter to Annie following this prompt but I want to share some of the main themes of it.
I'm sorry that I sometimes struggle to see who you are becoming and not who you were when we first met. I'm sorry I have made mistakes in the past and I hope you can see that I am growing from them. I want you to know that I love you more than I will ever be able to express and there is nothing you could ever do to change that or get rid of me. Your place in my life is something I don't take for granted. I'm so constantly grateful that you chose me as your person. I want you to know that you don't owe me anything, and that I see whatever you are willing and able to share with me is a gift. I'm so thankful that you have pushed me to grow and expand in ways that I never saw coming or thought possible.
Affirmation: Bring your words to life.
Equestrian Oracle
Theme for the Upcoming Week
Play
Soon after a foal is born, they begin to play. They have an innate desire to create, explore, and interact with those around them in a fun and curious way. They allow themselves, to zoom around, leap and frolic in whatever way they please with zero analyzing behind it.
Now, just like a foal, you too were born feeling completely authentic and free to be exactly who you are. As a child, you allowed yourself to play and explore without judgement. You simply wanted to have fun.
This card is calling you to experience more play in your life. To tap into this, you might ask yourself, when you were a child, what activities did you love to do? Make a list of them and start to sprinkle them into your life without them needing to make sense. Let your guard down and simply allow yourself to play.
*The Equestrian Reflection and Equestrian Oracle cards are courtesy of Felicity Davies and can be purchased directly from her here. Full transparency - I receive no financial gain from sharing these, I just love them and find them to be helpful on this journey!
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