After coming off a super relaxing (and much needed!) long weekend, I hit the ground running for the month of June! Annie and I are starting off the month with a few wellness appointments, my teaching time is filling up with the warmer weather, and I continue to learn more about myself each day as part of the Intuitive Equestrian program.
Despite having more on my schedule, I'm noticing that I am much more mindful of setting boundaries and being cautious not to burn myself out to the best of my ability. I am and always will be a work in progress, but I've really picked up on multiple situations lately where I can recognize my growth from even just a year ago. I also have to actively remind myself that there is a younger version of myself who would be so dang proud of where I am now, and to just pause every once in a while to enjoy it.
And while I find that I catch myself in occasional moments of wondering if I'm good enough or wishing I was doing more, I know that younger me would be looking at me now saying, "It's so amazing what you've accomplished!"
That was all very alive for me this past week so it seemed fitting when my "We're Not Really Strangers" card pick of the week asked, "What are you still trying to prove to yourself?" and so many of the responses boiled down to struggling with imposter syndrome.
Besides the fact that it's really freaking beautiful to have people share some pretty deep stuff and have so much of it be connected to other responses, this week was definitely a reminder that so many of us are putting a huge amount of pressure to achieve on ourselves. The thing is though, I feel like so many of us don't feel comfortable sharing our personal wins. We're more than happy to celebrate and share our horse's wins, no matter how big or small, but are quick to quiet or even invalidate our own.
I know for me, I have a tendency to harbor a belief that associates sharing my wins with bragging. So while I may have been making a ton of progress, I didn't always feel safe enough to share it. But by not sharing it with my various communities, I recognized that I was not giving them the chance to celebrate with me and remind me that I am totally deserving of it all. I also wasn't giving myself the chance to say, "Yes, I worked really hard for that outcome, good for me!"
So keep track of your little wins. And let them actually be wins - you know, the things you celebrate and cheer for! Don't be afraid to share your wins with your friends and communities. Let them celebrate you, too. Because I know you want to celebrate your friends when something awesome happens for them so I'd hope they would want the same for you.
As for an Annie update - we had a good week! I'm sticking to four barn days now that I have class on Monday nights through August and that seems to be working well for both of us.
I was thrilled that we finally were able to get a chiropractor out to adjust Annie on Thursday for the first time since I moved her across the lake into New York in November of 2021. The area she is in is serviced by very few large animal vets and only one offers chiropractic care. I had struggled multiple times to get Annie on their chiro schedule (I even basically bribed them to come with no avail ha) with no luck so I had given up after last summer.
Our barn manager had a long-standing relationship with a different vet who had agreed to come further out to us for chiro care and I was able to get on his schedule. Just as I had suspected, she still carries tension in the same areas that our previous vet found (right SI and poll) but he did note that her poll seemed better to him than he thought it might be from the history I provided which was nice to hear. I also appreciated how thorough he was with her exam and am looking forward to having him continue to adjust Annie moving forward.
When I went to the barn on Friday, I was trying to beat an incoming storm and sneak a quick ride in. Annie was clearly already on edge when I arrived. She seemed fine but alert headed to the barn, but once she got into the aisle and felt/heard/saw the fans blowing, she pretty politely backed out of the barn and said "Yea, no thanks!"
It had been 90F here for a couple days and the fans were installed in the aisle. Last year they were on the ground, but this year they are affixed to the stall fronts and blowing across the aisle to the stalled horses. Not only were they new to the aisle, they're making a ton of noise, and they're blowing air right in Annie's face. Basically, her reaction to the fans was totally understandable in my eyes!
So we worked on taking a step into the aisle then taking a step back and relaxing. Then two steps, three, etc. until we were just about to the first fan again and she again backed out and made it clear she was not comfortable with walking by it. Rather than push her through it, I let her graze while I went into the aisle and shut the fan off that she would need to walk by to get to where I groom her.
After that, she was able to walk right in. But instead of just stopping there and expecting her to immediately stand still, we turned around and walked out of the barn and practiced walking by the fan both ways while it was off before I asked her to stand. And while that definitely helped resolve her initial fear, the aforementioned storm was starting to roll in and it was clear that all of the horses were aware of it, causing some physical and mental tension for Annie.
I picked out her feet and groomed her quickly with her StripHair gentle groomer before calling it a night so I could get her back out to her pasture before the storm started and potentially created more problems after she was able to find relaxation in the aisle. Needless to say, it was not the night I had imagined but I was proud of her for working through her fear of the fan and settling in the aisle after even with some palpable tension from the storm.
One of the best things about being at this particular place in my horsemanship journey is that I know I don't absolutely have to do things on a certain timeline with Annie. Do I have goals and loose timelines around those, yes! But none of that is completely rigid because we all know life happens.
And sure enough, the next day Annie was a total rockstar! She was totally calm and we had a great conditioning session on the lunge to work on her canter (which she offered me quite a bit of in the best way!) and finished up with a super short ride to take a couple laps at the walk around the arena. It was such a great reminder that there will be "bad" days, but so long as you take those in stride rather than totally melting down and honoring the horse you have in front of you each day, you can't go wrong.
Shifting gears into my Intuitive Equestrian class update, we're now through week two of level one which focuses on animal communication - something I never saw myself doing or even being able to do!
Now I won't give any specifics since it's not my place to share those, but I cannot believe the messages I was able to receive from the horse's that were shared by fellow group members and how scarily accurate each reading was. I was so shocked by how spot on I was with some pretty specific things across four different horses.
I've noticed that right now I still need to be out in nature with zero distractions in order to receive messages from the animals I am channeling, but it's also literally the first few times I have ever done something like this in my life. I have to remember that while this stuff is totally intuitive, I'm still very much a beginner when it comes to tapping into it on this incredibly deep and powerful level.
Doing this work, and taking this course in general, has required me to put a level of trust in myself that is hard to describe. I have to trust that the things that pop into my mind are right without judgement. I have to trust that I absolutely have the power to do this, even if what I'm doing still feels a bit out of my comfort zone. If it helps me better connect people with their horses, that's what matters.
Empowering Observations:
Imposter syndrome is real, y'all! You deserve all of the success you have. You're intelligent and did not get where you are simply by chance. Celebrate your small wins, not just the big ones, and celebrate them often. Share your successes with your communities and allow them to celebrate with you.
You're A LOT more powerful than you probably think. I have to remind myself of this one all the time. Like all the time haha. But for real - you know those moments when you're talking and something comes out of your mouth (like great advice to a friend, or a fantastic explanation of or brilliant perspective on something, etc.) and you're almost in disbelief that YOU said that? Like you just didn't know where those words that are so profound came from? That's the intuitive power that we all have access to in our own unique way. Have the courage to let it out more often and trust that it's correct in that moment!
Things I'm Loving This Week
With riding more and posting more photos of Annie in her bridle (which as been Frankensteined together from crown to noseband!) I've been asked more about what shanks I use on it. They're from Orbitless Bridles and Annie seems to love this setup! The Orbitless rings are so light and I love how versatile they are. With multiple slots all the way around and an oval rather than round shape (which is what you see with knock-offs), the Orbitless rings allow you to change how much and what kind of pressure is working on your horse's face.
I'm also super grateful for my custom Allegany Mountain Saddlery saddle! We went through a thorough fitting process so that my saddle was built to fit both Annie and I. The women that run the company, Staci and Kate, are so knowledgeable and easy to work with and the craftsmanship on my saddle is second to none. I totally recommend checking them out if you are in the market for a western saddle!
Equestrian Reflection
Journal Prompt: I am so grateful for...
I'm so grateful for
Annie
Josh
Support systems
My health
My desire to heal, learn, and grow
Affirmation: Wow, I feel so lucky.
Equestrian Oracle
Theme for the Upcoming Week
Embrace Change
Sometimes change can feel scary, like you are shifting your identity, moving on to the next chapter in your life and simply don't know what will happen next. The fear side of you wants to keep you safe and protected by keeping you small, but you know that this isn't serving you.
Deep down, there is a vision inside of you that your soul wants to chase. It wants you to shine, but you can't help but feel held back. You feel torn between these two parts of you; the one that wants to flourish and the one that wants to keep you safe, and it is honestly debilitating trying to balance it all. It's like you are moving one step forwards and two steps backwards all of the time. It is exhausting.
This card is calling you to integrate these two parts of yourself and embrace change in your life. You don't have to hold yourself back. All you need to do is reassure your fear side that you will do everything you can to mitigate what you are worried about happening from happening. Then you simply comfort yourself with the fact that you are good enough so you can move forwards and shine.
It's time for you to embrace the change that is present in your life. Welcome it with open arms and trust that it will be the best thing for you.
*The Equestrian Reflection and Equestrian Oracle cards are courtesy of Felicity Davies and can be purchased directly from her here. Full transparency - I receive no financial gain from sharing these, I just love them and find them to be helpful on this journey!
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